I had a dream the other night in which I was showing a "reporter" a few of the jobs I had growing up. We visited the theme park I worked two summers at the end of high school/beginning of college. Looking back the job really was one of my most favorite employment opportunities.
I showed the reporter the rides that I used to operate in my "County Fair" uniform, which consisted of green culottes, rainbow suspenders and a cap. The work was back-breaking some days - standing for hours in the hot sun, in polyester and dealing with crabby or drunk customers. Nevertheless, I was seventeen, enjoying the moment and working for a fun, magical, exciting place to be each day in which we created a fantasy moment for those coming to ride roller coasters, take in shows or eat fair food.
The dream wasn't about nostalgia, though, it was about the choices I had made - unconsciously, to live someone else's dream. In looking back, many if not most of the jobs I took, or thought about taking, related to wanting to please my parents.
My First Real Job
I woke up one morning and my parents had a stranger at the dining room table. They called me over to have me sign pre-employment papers for a paper route they wanted me to do. We had not discussed the paper route nor had I made any attempt to ask for a job. I was 12 years old. I was embarrassed because I'd just gotten up and was being basically forced to take a job I wasn't sure I even wanted.
This part of the story is not about blaming anyone or discussing parenting skills. It's a moment in time, when I unconsciously gave up my own power related to my "BEING"-ness....and I was not a victim. I chose this, along with my parents.
When my father was a young boy, he remembers fondly his paper route, customers and his need to work to make a living or help out with expenses. In a sense, he believed he was setting me up to understand the nature of money, the working world and the discipline it takes to 'make it.'
The Rest of the Jobs
Other than that brief couple of summers at the theme park, I ended up on a track of under-employment and working very very hard for everything - temping as a receptionist during summers, delivering food, acting as camp counselor, cleaning stairs at the condo complex to name a few.
I was the renaissance woman of jobs and attempts at jobs and usually made very little money at any of them.
Every so often in this journey, there would be glimmers of me coming out of hiding and being my true self. I had a pretty good entrepreneurial run babysitting in high school in which I was booked up and turned down clients!
The thing was, with this cloak I had taken on - this meta-STORY - if you will, I was attempting to live my Dad's life over for HIM while simultaneously limping along as not quite a full version of myself.
Take it from me - it simply DOES NOT WORK - to live someone's life for them...
What Happens When you Take on a Story that is NOT YOUR OWN?
- You don't have the full energy of your BEING-ness to facilitate creating your reality.
- You don't have enough information to create the other person's story. Um, newsflash, I didn't have ALL my Dad's experiences/personality traits so how was I going to do it over, better??
- Some or ALL of you gets lost in there and in hiding, without your true light shining, you simply aren't effective at life in general.
- You aren't in the full creative, generative energies and you see the results of that in your pocketbook, your relationships, your jobs, your friends...I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
What we try to do to FIX it
Once you have committed (unconsciously) to live someone else's story, over, to FIX it...several things begin to happen. First off, you forget that you are doing this for someone else and think YOU are doing it for yourself. In time, you are so lost in this process, you actually think you are broken and need to be fixed or you are just so lost you go about things as an unconscious robot. I see it everywhere, sadly.
Your soul is crying out for you to SEE it and BE it and you just simply try harder at being the other person.
At one point, after my first major healing breakdown in which my body literally made me STOP -- I was on the mend, became a massage therapist and healer and started telling my story. But was I done? No...not me...
I decided to go back to school and take out school loans to learn how to be a police officer. I justified this process by saying that volunteering for a police department was about "taking my power back and learning to be powerful." In a way, I guess I was right. I followed this path - which was something my Dad had wanted me to do - police, military - for almost two years before realizing I couldn't pass background checks.
Um....because at the BEING level - I was not a black and white thinker, or a military personality. Nothing against military folks but it just wasn't ME.
BEING in Your OWN Story
I'm short circuiting what it took to BE in my OWN story but by the time I had gotten so far along, and didn't know any better - the road back out was quite a journey. I even moved to another state so I could clear myself of all the energy that I'd taken on that wasn't mine and feel who and what I was all about.
Needless to say, there are many (much faster) paths to clearing yourself and aligning with who you really are. These paths are available and ready for you to use and when you are ready to live in your own You-Universe...you'll find the right practitioner and coach to help facilitate.
The thing is, the TRUTH here is...and what took me so long to figure out - is....WE ARE NOT BROKEN and there is NOTHING to FIX.
If you are fixing stuff, over and over and over again - you are living in someone else's story - I almost guarantee this.
Is anything in your life hard? Like - you find yourself going in circles, not quite making it work - relationships, the people you surround yourself with, the jobs you pick? And you suffer and go to healers and wonder how it will EVER change?
If you said, 'yes' to any of that - again, you are almost ALWAYS living someone else's story to FIX it.
And like I said at the beginning - you simply can't succeed doing this.
If you'd like a consultation with me to move out of the CYCLE of FIXING and into your own unique, awesome BEING story...please...don't hesitate to reach out. I'll be happy to help you write your own True STORY for once...OK?
Love Love Love