Monday, November 18, 2013

Purpose & Clarity in the Journey

Almost a year ago, I began the process of going after something bigger in my life.  I thought I'd put up with complacency too long.

I knew that if I wanted to be authentic in coaching clients to expand potentials, reach epic goals and dream, I needed to break through some of my own limitations.

I decided to do this in the career sector where dissatisfaction with a long history in accepting regular temp jobs that didn't quite meet any needs for fulfillment, leadership or even self-development had left me feeling stuck. 

I had achieved that elusive "permanent" job only to discover that somewhere along the line I hadn't quite defined anything like a job title I could enjoy, I'd simply taken whatever was given me.  Eighteen months into a contract turned permanent Office Manager position, I realized I had nowhere to go but down.

Still, I was at a loss....what do I do now? 

I knew I enjoyed project management - but I'd only PM'd small office projects, facilities moves and film projects back when I got my Masters of Fine Arts in Film Production.  While my organizational systems were outstanding, I didn't have any experience doing budgets, had never supervised anyone other than my film crew and my titles were weak.

Nothing short of epic re-visualization and re-invention were going to cut it here. 

And then the process began.  I started with getting feedback from many mentors on my resume content.  Re-designing my resume to remove the film of grayness I'd carried so long, add color and design features and make it shine as "me."  I developed a cover letter template with all the main particulars that could be adjusted for the jobs I applied to and just started looking and sending out resumes.  Everywhere. 

I did all the regular things you are told in blogs and by people who find it easy to job-hop and move around in their career (I am still amazed at these folks).

I went to any and all networking events, continued to blog, joined a co-working space in Minneapolis as a one-day a week member, told everyone I knew and some that I didn't that I was looking and re-designed my resume (again) after I read a blog on the subject. 

Apparently it's been proven that people only read the first 1/3 of your resume.  Put your hand at the 1/3 position on the first page - is what you want clearly obvious above your hand? No?  Redo it - this tip, unlike a lot of them I got over the course of the summer actually worked.

I went through a few starter interviews, I tried to go back to office work and found myself having changed by proxy of my decision.  No, I simply wouldn't take my old pay rate and and entry level job just because I'd done it before...yea, some recruiters went there, and it was very hard not to capitulate.  After all, fear abounds constantly in this process of transformation.

Sleepless nights, gnashing of teeth during the day.  Frantic texts to friends wondering if I was an epic failure rather than an epic dreamer!  All my support networks were a constant feedback loop of 'don't give up' and I really couldn't have done it without all the friends that supported me through.

As the summer wound down I had my last "epic fail" - maybe there is always one of these defining things in a life lived BIG.  Up until now I had felt that each job interview or experience talking with a recruiter (even if it went nowhere) added something to my expansion and gave me a tidbit or tweak to the process.

Then I was wined & dined (literally) by a CEO of a small corporation - our first conversation was over 2-hours long and our second wasn't much shorter.  He told me everything I wanted to hear like a dry sponge soaking in water.  He loved my resume, my background and what I could do to change his organization.  He even read this blog and thought it amazing.

One last hurdle was an interview with his Creative Director....and a reschedule on the morning of the interview led to weeks of hearing nothing only to follow-up myself and find the job had gone to the "perfect candidate."

Nothing can quite prepare you for the balloon bursting on all the energy you have built around something you really care about.  I'd put everything into the mix and got spit out by the process. 

A few weeks of bitterness and crying ensued.  Dark thoughts.  Dark moments.  I tell you this not to complain but to say that no matter what happens - you can survive and and move forward. 

As of this writing, I am back temping  - granted it is a more expansive job with some amazing mentors.  I may not be there forever but I can learn while I am there.  I am back applying but this time with more money, more zeal and an ability to not feel like if something doesn't work out, I'll be left destitute.

It's a strange story for a coach to tell, perhaps.  So many marketeers would love to give the sales pitch that going after big dreams is always easy, works on the first try and is a smooth curve. You just need to make that leap and try, try, try...

We judge ourselves based on these perceived results and often choose not to go after the big thing. After all we may just be disappointed. We aren't Tony Robbins right?

We each have a unique path. I feel like I still have some work to do to land that project manager role I went after. I will persevere.  In the meantime, my coaching and healing has picked up - maybe because I hold that energy of going after the bigger game?  People feel it.

If I hadn't gone down this path with all it's twists and turns, I think I'd be missing some of my strength and character honed in the crucible of the long journey.

I may not have "made it big" yet but I feel much brighter and I know what I want more than I ever did in the past.  I am directed and potent.

Don't forget to dream big and GO AFTER IT!

- Blessings on the journey -

Friday, May 31, 2013

Epic Consciousness

What would it be like if we chose to be completely aware?

What kind of potency in life could you have if you were in complete allowance of yourself and others?

What if who you are, IS the answer to the world changing for the better?

All these questions and more have been presented to me as a part of my learning about Access Consciousness.  What I love about Access is that it doesn't matter what ideological background you come from, you can ask questions and open up the possibilities in your life.  You become more of you, not a cookie cutter of some other person's point of view.

In my thoughts lately, I have ventured into the deep recesses of my own soul to see what needs to be cleared - my fixed points of view - that keep me from really expressing the totality of me.  It may be that epic journey we will take as our whole life.  A one-day-at-a-time sojourn into being the best we can be.

It's not always easy to be on the journey of awareness.  There are days when my awareness of others' judgements and thoughts brings me to my knees.  Needless to say, in the past I would have put some block or bubble around those thoughts and cut off my receiving of them.  That's what so many gurus and empaths speak about in classes or teachings.  Just cut those horrible things off and you'll be better.  Those nasty people out there who can hurt us....get rid of FB friends, or dysfunctional people, they all say.

What they are essentially saying, however, it to stop "receiving" and when you stop receiving you cannot truly be connected in oneness with others.  Moreover, you can't be at one with yourself. Before you know it, shadows are popping up everywhere - people trying to take advantage, wife beaters and haters.  Health issues and unchangeable circumstances beyond your control  - or so it appears.  The more you try to hide, the more the Law of Attraction, sends you what you don't want.

The key then, is to accept it all.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  When the totality of our experience is present, we have a clear choice what we allow into our reference.  We see it as receiving.  So the crazy person who is willing to hurt themselves by being rude is a neutral party over there making his own damned choices.  Wow, too bad for him he has lost all awareness of his connection.

The pure connection to the source of all that one who is connected would willingly hurt another because in so doing, they would only hurt themselves.

We cannot change how other people think or what choices they make - in fact, trying to do so will only say more about you than the other person.  It will be a perpetual job you give yourself to stop your own receiving and your own awareness.  What if you saw instead that moment as an opportunity to look within, to shift that part of you that IS the other person "out there."  Maybe you aren't very kind to yourself?  Do you get up in the morning and say nasty things to yourself in the mirror about your butt being too big or your face too saggy?

What if that mirror out there on FB is really the judgement of you, you are aware of reflected back in some random statement.  What if the person is, in their own way trying to help you SEE yourself?  True, there are people I choose not to spend a lot of energy on or with - in totality, I don't judge myself for keeping my distance.  I don't cut them off, I simply heighten my awareness of the other choices.  It works both ways. 

I want to make a call for Epic Consciousness.  You may not change the world today and get every hater or perceived crazy person to be nice and stop the violence.  Just start with you.  Start with the places in your own soul that are like dark seeds festering in self judgement and lack of awareness about how amazing you truly are.  Act with others how you would want to be treated, not how you are treated.  And stop, in the end trying to teach other people lessons or think you get how the world SHOULD work...

Because in my mind the world works amazingly with all its good, bad, ugly, amazing brilliance it is transitioning into an awareness never before seen....and it begins with YOU.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Aligning or Resisting - a Constant Polarity

Consciousness in Interaction

In our polar Universe we often feel the need to either align (agree) or resist (disagree) with a point of view.  It may be a thought presented on the news or by a friend or even a relative. 

Just about all the elections in recent years have been so polar that some family members and friends have stopped talking to each other over their divergent point of views.  Whole businesses are set-up to ensure we "choose" one of the sides.  Facebook and other social media sites are replete with status messages and postings admonishing other for holding a differing point of view of the author.

We seem to feel that if we don't hold an opinion about something we aren't quite doing our part.  There must be some inherent truth and if we aren't aligned with something we must be off, illiterate or uncaring.

A Different Way

What if in either aligning or resisting, we are not only creating more of what we don't want but we are shrinking our energies to fit into a world that doesn't really serve us in the first place?

To act from a place of polarization, choose sides and "speak up," we weaken our own ability to generate energy in consciousness.  Consciousness is inherently non-polar.  If I instead see every point of view as interesting and receive it all, I am in the flow, and I am not blocking anything.

When I am not blocking energy and receiving in totality, I can be more of "Me" - I am not cutting off my foot just to align with you because I want to be your friend or get a job or impress you.  It's not that you can't or won't choose a point of view, but can you do this and maintain that points of view in general are just plain interesting. 

What's the difference?

One of these tactics is non-judgmental in nature.  You can be on the opposite end of the political spectrum from me, and I can say, "wow, your point of view is interesting..."  That's remaining in the flow while still choosing a path to take for myself that works. 

The other version, is what we see almost everywhere these days, judging you for your opposing point of view, not accepting that you have anything worthwhile to say and making you bad.  In doing so, I cut off the flow of energy in receiving which may show up in my health issues, my money, my lack of ability to relate to anyone outside my defined group.  I become smaller, my world more restricted and if I want to relate to you, I have to, in some way not be conscious or real at all.

Unconscious Relating 

Most people seem to think relating involves either aligning or agreeing so that the other person "feels good" about themselves and we are "relating" or disagreeing with the other person and blocking the interaction.  But what if the more we cut off parts of ourselves to take these limited points of view, we are diminishing our light and our true BE-ing?

In instances where we are defending a particular point of view (including one in which I am just a part of me in order to please you), I am essentially blocked from the parts of myself that don't hold the same point of view.  We could use the example of the gregarious, fun personality who has to stop "flirting" in order to please the date who is jealous or believes that a person can't be super social if they are "with" you.

Before long, the party that becomes "smaller" to please the other, comes into quiet or full-blown resentment over the activity, even though it was their choice to relate this way.  Fights, and the need to control the environment become their way of being and a type of depression may even set in.  If they have been conditioned to feel that all relationships must be this polar and contentious, they will keep trying to please the other person, all the while finding ways to control - maybe escaping with constant work or travel, or not answering calls etc.

Conscious Relating

A conscious relator is whole  unto themselves.  They aren't cutting off pieces and parts and only acting themselves under limited circumstances.  They may be fun and flirtatious, they may be serious, they may crack silly jokes or speak on a difficult subject.  They are who they are and fully present. 

They relate to others in order to more fully express their true nature and when they choose to be in an intimate relationship, it is so they can create a type of awesome fire and combustion that makes both parties MORE of themselves, not less.

Start to practice just seeing everything as an interesting point of view...see if it opens you up to be more you and begin to see the flow restored in all areas of your life.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Conscious Entrepreneurship

What's the Difference?

A lot of people imagine that if they run a non-profit or feel like they "love or like" people and want to help that this is akin to being conscious.  It's not even close.

You can run a completely unconscious non-profit - I have worked in them before.  Working there, you begin to wonder if these people who espouse that they are doing something for the "good of all" or whatever, actually even get what they are saying.  "Am I crazy?," you'll ask yourself each time you interact with co-workers who bring some drama or trauma into the mix each day and work it out at the expense of others in the workplace or field.

You can go around "helping" others at work and find yourself drained, used, abused and maybe even let go, all in the name of better business.  Again - not conscious.

What Does it Mean to Work "Consciously?"

Consciousness is a connection to the greater possibility and the "Big Picture."  It is taking care of your own stuff rather than playing it out with others in a drama/trauma play.

More than just an individual experience, though, consciousness in business is really about developing the business as a working whole.  Individuals in the organization have equal parity to any manager or CEO.  They think independently and are rewarded for inspiration as well as expression of the common purpose.

What's really needed for a company to be conscious?

An attention to the individuals and the whole.  A connection to the earth and to the inspiration.

Consider Apple for example.  With Steve Jobs at the helm, Apple seemed like a force that couldn't be stopped.  When Steve passed away -- gone the "guru" at the top, whose ideas and inspiration led to amazing success -- the company as a whole seemed to falter.

Why is that?

Because as awesome as the iPhone design appears, the guru being gone left a big hole in the dynamic of the organization.  It was not a "conscious" organization.  Steve's mind was a required component of the functioning of the hive, much like a Queen Bee.  With the Queen/King out of the picture, the drones had no idea how to think for themselves.

If a non-profit is run like a castle with the Executive Director trying to manage all the pieces and the history of the organization holding the innovation in a loop that doesn't allow the mission to shift and change with the times, a very similar thing can happen.  In organizations like this, you often see individual roles being scapegoats to the angst and drama that the organization says it is trying to solve.

It's like someone becomes a mirror for the unresolved "stuff" held in the timeline of the organization and meanwhile people take this sort of thing seriously, rarely questioning that it isn't a particular person's "fault" for the issues perceived by the whole.

In cases like these, things like "showing up on time" or "maintaining appearances for famous or rich donors" is the focal point of distraction to the actual energetic anomaly of lack of conscious creation in the set-up of the organization.

Setting the Stage for Conscious Entrepreneurship

In the coming months, I'll write more on the individual components of setting up a start-up business as a "conscious" business right from the get-go.  It might serve the management team, ready to expand to begin thinking beyond the normal models and obtain some coaching and guidance in space layout, hiring practices and function, in order to obtain the best results.

Needless to say, the future of business success will require a much more conscious approach.  Just putting a fluffy cover over a "guru/King/Queen castle" business with a beer Friday and casual dress will not be enough.

If you want to "save the world," do you have the earth represented in your network of cubes?  Do you have a space with water features, trees/plants and "grounding" play areas in order for people working in the space to respect the earth?   Or do you write that off as "too expensive."

Are you hiring drones, that will execute the inspiration of the lofty leader - YOU - or are you hiring individual entrepreneurs who can contribute equally to the vision of the business, even if one day they are running it themselves?

Do you develop meetings, procedures and practices to respect the earth, understand the nature of inspiration and develop the future of the organization?  Are you teaching and espousing conscious communication in the daily activities of the business so that people are recognizing when they need to "work something out within themselves" not just look for scapegoats.

It may seem overwhelming at first, with all the other stuff that goes on in developing a start-up.  In the end, however, the resources that flow into an organization are directly related to the consciousness of said organization.  The more you can begin to see your business as an energetic construct with its own needs for flow, they better you will be in the long run.

Monday, March 25, 2013

A Word, or Two, Or Five on Intensity

Intensity as BEING Alive

This past weekend, I had many experiences of what it means to "BE" alive...not just living and in a body but truly ALIVE...

I used to consider "intensity" as a code word for "TOO MUCH" - I believed I couldn't handle what life brought to me and that intensity of experience was associated with pain, suffering, lack of joy and sometimes even betrayal.  These beliefs were a potent force which created a desire to be smaller, to fit into the box of other people's realities and not act too weird or powerful lest someone get offended.

What if being REAL was the change the world requires?  Could you handle being that intense with yourself, with others?

I attended a dance in a rather small venue over the weekend, with art on the walls and a kind of intimacy not normally associated with the typical bar or club.  What did the space create in its consciousness and what did we bring to the space?

The music pumped from the speakers, the light show danced above our heads and the smoke machine billowed clouds of atmosphere while amazing souls came in tune with their own life force.  There were no walls in that space - we occupied a new reality - one we created in love, joy, and trust.

Re-writing the Code - Intensity as the New Harmony

I haven't danced that hard in a long time.  That was an intense experience - physically and emotionally.  There were people I'd never met surrounding me - an experience that just a few short years ago, I might have considered, trying, too intense, tiring, emotional.

I might have thought I had no control over the the space and that by the end of it, I needed to solve all of the problems of the Universe that showed up there.  I could easily have felt lonely in a sea of people.  I may have controlled the intensity by shutting down, or screening people off or putting up walls.  Maybe I would get pissed off at something I didn't like about the space.  Have you ever done any of these things?

Instead, I found myself intentionally creating the space, the organism of the dance.  I set a clear intention for the type of experience I wanted before I even stepped foot in the gallery. I cleared from my energy-field anything that did not allow this and I set a boundary for the Truth that I wanted to experience during the course of the night.

And you know what?  I had just the experience I created.  I have learned to be that POWERFUL.  Being that POWER-FILLED is an intense experience.  I have re-written how I handle life and I find my experience is in HARMONY with that new code.

Does that mean that there weren't other people in the space with me, who had a completely different experience?  Maybe they went home disgusted by something or someone, maybe they went home feeling lonely...Absolutely.  We all have a choice, every moment of every day.  I just didn't "see" them.  They were in their own reality, not mine.

Music as a Metaphor for Creating

As I danced - until something like 2:30 in the morning, I allowed the music to flow through my energy field, my body, and fill me with ALIVENESS.  I couldn't stop smiling, really.  

It was fun to juggle my body with the body of others in the room.  To look up from a particularly intense meditative trance and see another awesome, unique face smiling back at me or moving their limbs, or trancing out to their own blissful universe of SOUND.

I met new people or re-met ones I'd known for years in that space too.  I allowed them to BE in their own You-niverse of dance and sound and experience.  I didn't need to control anyone or move them around or position them.  I didn't need to talk in words.  

A kind of telepathy ran through the space of pure consciousness and that was the BLISS of shared connection.  An energy that changes everything surrounding it and makes it whole -- in the way it needs to be, in the moment.  I understood something greater than myself was at work.

This music of awesome harmonic creation has the capacity to heal even the deepest wounds.  And I knew, intuitively that the room contained within it those who carried wounds, and pain and hurts and recent destruction of their reality - and yet, I hoped in my heart and soul, that the music would flow through them, and the love would lift them into the joy of who they truly BE.

When they chose it, they could see it too.  In their own space and time.  In a way that was meant for them to FEEL life again in a whole new way.

What Else?

At the end of the night (well some people kept dancing, but the end of MY night), I put on my coat and felt the pure intensity of the physical experience.  My feet hurt, my legs hurt, my muscles were like, "What the hell were you doing to us you crazy woman?"  And that was another coolness of being ALIVE in this BODY.

The intensity of the FEELING of the space was almost overwhelming by this time.  I could shrink into the couch and stay there forever, pulsing with the electricity of the base booming from the speakers.

I could ruminate on the lack of wordy communication (too loud!) or consider what I might write about after I slept for the next 24-hours.  Could I even sleep at this point?

Some BODIES might be shrinking at this stage into a dark corner to be ALONE in a sea of people.  That was OK too.  Sometimes you just need to check out of INTENSITY like that.  Nothing is wrong and nothing is judged.  You know you FELT something and need to process or sleep or just BE somewhere else for a little while until you can feel SAFE to venture out again.

Just know that life is INTENSE and while we may have been raised to shrink into obscurity or be afraid of FEELING or sometimes think back to a time when feeling this much was just TOO PAINFUL -- know you are so much more YOU and so much more ALIVE when you are ALL of You.

A Short Word on Fragments

I'm almost done with the intensity of this post. Understand that this was not any ORDINARY dance for me. I care too deeply to be anything other than OTHERWORLDLY.  Yippee!

When we are shrunk down into someone else's reality so that they feel comfortable, we pay a price.  The Earth pays a price and something breaks.

We exist then in a fragment.  Intensity has us jump into a black hole somewhere and hide and not experience the fullness of LIFE.

It may appear safe but in fact it is not.  It is a house of cards.  It is FAKE.

In the dance, we are a role, a persona, a container that's ready to burst at the seams.  We will go off like a bomb as soon as something startles us and we've seen it time and time again in the news.  We get surprised that anyone would do "something like that" and yet, if we faced it - we knew it was coming. 

No one can exist in a fragment and not, at some point, lose their ability to pretend that's all of them.

There's a better way.  A fullness, a harmony, a bigger game.  I am asking you to allow INTENSITY to be a part of LIFE as you know it see it as the sign of huge change and awesome opportunity, rather than shrink from it or try to apply a rule book.  

What would happen if instead of trying to find a reason why you can't feel the way you do, or it's not possible, that you allow it to be POSSIBLE and see where it takes you?

Be INTENSE.  Be all of you.  Just BE.


Friday, March 22, 2013

What's the Story You are Living?

An Interesting Dream

I had a dream the other night in which I was showing a "reporter" a few of the jobs I had growing up.  We visited the theme park I worked two summers at the end of high school/beginning of college.  Looking back the job really was one of my most favorite employment opportunities. 

I showed the reporter the rides that I used to operate in my "County Fair" uniform, which consisted of green culottes, rainbow suspenders and a cap.  The work was back-breaking some days - standing for hours in the hot sun, in polyester and dealing with crabby or drunk customers.  Nevertheless, I was seventeen, enjoying the moment and working for a fun, magical, exciting place to be each day in which we created a fantasy moment for those coming to ride roller coasters, take in shows or eat fair food.

The dream wasn't about nostalgia, though, it was about the choices I had made - unconsciously, to live someone else's dream.  In looking back, many if not most of the jobs I took, or thought about taking, related to wanting to please my parents.  

My First Real Job

I woke up one morning and my parents had a stranger at the dining room table.  They called me over to have me sign pre-employment papers for a paper route they wanted me to do.  We had not discussed the paper route nor had I made any attempt to ask for a job.  I was 12 years old.  I was embarrassed because I'd just gotten up and was being basically forced to take a job I wasn't sure I even wanted.

This part of the story is not about blaming anyone or discussing parenting skills. It's a moment in time, when I unconsciously gave up my own power related to my "BEING"-ness....and I was not a victim.  I chose this, along with my parents.

When my father was a young boy, he remembers fondly his paper route, customers and his need to work to make a living or help out with expenses.  In a sense, he believed he was setting me up to understand the nature of money, the working world and the discipline it takes to 'make it.'

The Rest of the Jobs

Other than that brief couple of summers at the theme park, I ended up on a track of under-employment and working very very hard for everything - temping as a receptionist during summers, delivering food, acting as camp counselor, cleaning stairs at the condo complex to name a few.

I was the renaissance woman of jobs and attempts at jobs and usually made very little money at any of them.  

Every so often in this journey, there would be glimmers of me coming out of hiding and being my true self.  I had a pretty good entrepreneurial run babysitting in high school in which I was booked up and turned down clients! 

The thing was, with this cloak I had taken on - this meta-STORY - if you will, I was attempting to live my Dad's life over for HIM while simultaneously limping along as not quite a full version of myself.

Take it from me - it simply DOES NOT WORK - to live someone's life for them...

What Happens When you Take on a Story that is NOT YOUR OWN?

  • You don't have the full energy of your BEING-ness to facilitate creating your reality.
  • You don't have enough information to create the other person's story.  Um, newsflash, I didn't have ALL my Dad's experiences/personality traits so how was I going to do it over, better??
  • Some or ALL of you gets lost in there and in hiding, without your true light shining, you simply aren't effective at life in general.
  • You aren't in the full creative, generative energies and you see the results of that in your pocketbook, your relationships, your jobs, your friends...I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
What we try to do to FIX it

Once you have committed (unconsciously) to live someone else's story, over, to FIX it...several things begin to happen.  First off, you forget that you are doing this for someone else and think YOU are doing it for yourself.  In time, you are so lost in this process, you actually think you are broken and need to be fixed or you are just so lost you go about things as an unconscious robot.  I see it everywhere, sadly.

Your soul is crying out for you to SEE it and BE it and you just simply try harder at being the other person.

At one point, after my first major healing breakdown in which my body literally made me STOP -- I was on the mend, became a massage therapist and healer and started telling my story.  But was I done?  No...not me...

I decided to go back to school and take out school loans to learn how to be a police officer.  I justified this process by saying that volunteering for a police department was about "taking my power back and learning to be powerful."  In a way, I guess I was right.  I followed this path - which was something my Dad had wanted me to do - police, military - for almost two years before realizing I couldn't pass background checks.

Um....because at the BEING level - I was not a black and white thinker, or a military personality.  Nothing against military folks but it just wasn't ME.

BEING in Your OWN Story

I'm short circuiting what it took to BE in my OWN story but by the time I had gotten so far along, and didn't know any better - the road back out was quite a journey.  I even moved to another state so I could clear myself of all the energy that I'd taken on that wasn't mine and feel who and what I was all about.

Needless to say, there are many (much faster) paths to clearing yourself and aligning with who you really are.  These paths are available and ready for you to use and when you are ready to live in your own'll find the right practitioner and coach to help facilitate.

The thing is, the TRUTH here is...and what took me so long to figure out - is....WE ARE NOT BROKEN and there is NOTHING to FIX.

If you are fixing stuff, over and over and over again - you are living in someone else's story - I almost guarantee this.

Is anything in your life hard?  Like - you find yourself going in circles, not quite making it work - relationships, the people you surround yourself with, the jobs you pick?  And you suffer and go to healers and wonder how it will EVER change?

If you said, 'yes' to any of that - again, you are almost ALWAYS living someone else's story to FIX it.

And like I said at the beginning - you simply can't succeed doing this.

If you'd like a consultation with me to move out of the CYCLE of FIXING and into your own unique, awesome BEING story...please...don't hesitate to reach out.  I'll be happy to help you write your own True STORY for once...OK?

Love Love Love

Thursday, January 24, 2013

What's True?

What I See

One of the things I notice on my daily Facebook travels is the almost constant need for people to tell me what is true for them in a way that suggests they think it should be true for me also.

Having convictions about things is certainly not a bad thing - if we don't have a moral and personal compass we're going to be subject to a constant influence of others with no way to "test" that against anything.  A person who is like this, is often termed "boundary-less" or "lacking boundaries."  They are like a ship without a steer mechanism and their lives often exhibit the quality of no conviction or direction.

Nevertheless, there is an equal lack of boundaries that comes from insisting you are right and others are wrong and your personal feelings are the only way to go about things.


The planet is a very diverse place and has opportunities for everyone to experience a variety of ways of being in the world.

We also limit our possibilities by being too rigid about our particular point of view.  It may mean that we go out and seek "evidence" to back up our point of view, never seeing that there is an equal amount of evidence for other points of view.  It's way the Access Consciousness folks have a clearing statement called "Interesting Point of View..."

Granted, if you are running a business - you will have developed a point of view or structure that shapes what you put out there and attracts a certain client - normally called an "ideal" client as your business base.

Usually, this comes about after you have decided that you'd like to concentrate on a particular client base who are attracted by a particular language and set of ideals.  Again, nothing wrong with setting up a focus like this.  Even this blog has a focus and a particular mindset about it that won't be for every human being on the planet.

I am still cognizant, however that my point of view, is going to be true for some people and not others.  It isn't the only way to live life nor the right way but for the right person, my viewpoint could express something which allows them to expand their life or their business in a way that is True for them also.

What is True?

I have heard many energetic healers speak of how we feel when we make decisions.  A good way to to gauge if something is True for you, is to check-in to your body about how you feel when you hear a speaker, read a blog like this one or take in an "opinion" or "viewpoint," that someone is espousing.

Christie Marie Sheldon, the abundance and vibration guru has a muscle testing format she uses.  She has the client say "yes yes yes" and express what their body feels like.  Then say, "no no no" and feel what that feels like in their body.  With some practice and repetition, you should find yourself developing a pretty accurate intuition that gives you a clear "Yes" - this is true/good for me, and a clear, "No" - this is not True/Good for me.

As you begin to use this to test "viewpoints" rather than just take them on as right or true, you'll find yourself more in alignment with an appropriate set of decisions that is good for you.  Realize, it may not be good for someone else.

One example that is popular, is the insistence that veganism or vegetarianism is a right choice for everyone.  I almost guarantee if you muscle test food choices, you will find that while this may be an 'interesting point of view' for those people who say that they feel better and look better with a vegetable-oriented diet change, it may not be that interesting or "True for you."  Visa versa applies.

Communicating What Is True

In interpersonal relations it will likely become necessary to communicate what is True for you to others who may or may not have the same thoughts, opinions and conditions you do in life.  It's all well and good when things are superficial to quietly or silently say "interesting point of view," to something you hear someone saying when you don't care to actually relate to them going forward.

But let's say you are in a serious romantic relationship or deep friendship - what then?  Well, hopefully with the right "consciously" minded people surrounding you, you can feel free to speak up about your differences in these areas.

You may have to set boundaries or make agreements about what you are willing to do when there is a conflict in what is True for either party.  Most relationships run sour when a person holds onto what is True for them, insists the other person "take it on," or else and aren't willing to allow the other person to hold a separate and valid "truism."

What kind of possibilities could exist in a relationship if you are able to consciously create an agreement to openly accept what is True for each other, and enjoy each other's company?  Sure, in romantic bonds, you may have to determine in the dating phase, if the number of things that are differences are worth the agro.

After all, you really should have more in common and "true" than not, but still form a dynamic partnership in which the differences actually add to the affection and create amazing shifts in each other toward being better people in general.

If the differences are so great, and only cause friction, it may be time to re-evaluate the compatibility of the relationship.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Your Creation Is Based on You

I had a friend email me about my job search, asking me if I really wanted what I said I wanted. The good Project Managers, he said aren't that easy to get along with the 'best ones' are a slave to the project and their personal lives take a back seat."

What was my response?

I am creating this job and I am in charge of the creation. While I may create future positions that are different from this one, I am a slave to no one. The job will be a fit to me, I won't fit myself to the perceived notions of what the role entails.

I am a driven person who has been known to work late into the night on projects I enjoy. I also know how to work energy so I am in the flow with things. Rather than stress myself out or take on the stress of others, I read the energy to determine the best time to complete actions.

I know well, also when it is better to create and work with the energies in anticipation of action. This may appear like sleeping, yoga, walks and going to movies to name a few. This has nothing to do with laziness, it's actually way more efficient. I take a action when the energy of creation prompts me too. That means the likelihood of my success with some aspect of a project is high.

I don't need nor want to create a drama/stress loop to feel pressured to get things done 'out of time.'

What would the planet be like if we were all part of the mission to recognize that physical realities are created by energy and consciousness - first? That there is an innate timing to things and if we are surfing with that time, we'll see things flourish beyond our wildest dreams?

Back to the job creation - the right conscious company will arise from my being aligned to my true self and they'll want what I bring to the table, not the other way around.

I recently got an email from the thought leader Christopher Howard's email list. He's searching for people who are willing to travel to Bali for three months, be trained in his methodologies and be given room and board to do it.

The best part of that job is not the tropical location, or even being trained by Chris - although both are great. It's that he is consciously creating a workplace.

He's more concerned with the spiritual co-creation than 'getting things done.' Employees will be required to do yoga, deal with what comes up spiritually and work on the timetable that exhibits flow.

He's not the only conscious/mindful business. So, why feel you have to work someplace where you have to bend your values to get paid?

Define what you want in atmosphere, know your values and what you bring to the table. Go after what you want.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Twin Relationship


Secret letter written to the one code-named "Stan" on August 15th, 2013:

Dear Stan:

I don't know if it is the end of it all, or the beginning...time will tell.  I completely appreciate all the questions you have and will try to answer them as I go alongIt may, in the end be easier to write out the whole story, or the parts that I know...

There are many websites and new age materials on the relationship known as the "Twin Flame."  There are many personal accounts and thoughts about what this is or is not, and also plenty of people simply using it as another term for that one true love they are seeking "out there, if he or she would just show up already."

Most people don't really have a good grasp of what a "Twin Flame" is and/or mistake it for something they want like a romantic comedy.

It matters not the theory or the example - as each relationship that comes under this title is quite different.

The Twin is first and foremost an "energy" and therefore is not about anything humans would term a relationship.  That can be really disappointing from the human perspective because we watch movies or watch our friends be in relationships and we want to feel loved or cherished, or we want a playmate or we want kids, or we want companions.

If we are in a lifetime which focuses on the twin, it may or may not be THE lifetime in which the relationship bears physical fruit - another disappointment ensues.  Although, I think it is a light disappointment, perhaps because a twin who has a destiny plan to articulate in the physical is pretty dogmatic about it from the point of awareness and beyond.

We are in a unique time now, and twin relationships are bearing fruit in many places all over the world.  It is not for me to go into details of how you get together with your twin, if you have a twin or if you should bother believing in it at all.  You can certainly seek readings and/or assistance from professionals who have articulated working in this arena should you really wish to explore your options or soul destiny plans.

My personal journey of working with twin energy has been a decidedly long one in human terms.  Most people want a relationship or a date, they don't want a lifetime project or set of trials to follow.

Looking back, even if I was not conscious of the twin, the twin and I were working together.

We had a plan and the plan was going to be executed.  There is a story to this plan.  The story begins a long ago in a time that some consider fictional but was not entirely - at the beginning of the creation of this place called earth.  There are other places from which energy is derived - other dimensions and spaces.  It was in these places that the idea was born to have this planet exist that you are currently living in.  If you want a good accounting of these concepts - get a copy of Susann Shier's book, "Soul Mastery."

But I digress, slightly.  Working with the twin energy is not about a relationship in the common sense of the word at all.  It is a metaphysical journey toward the purpose of that particular helix or set of intertwined energies.  In the case of my twin, we were healing a set of structures that had been created during a period of time when unconscious thought patterns had led people to create beings and structures that were essentially ego-based in nature.

These structures had continued through recorded history, re-creating stories time and again, until the twin relationship had enough self-awareness to tackle the issue at hand.  That's many many lifetimes of going around in circles.

We were not the only ones captured by the structures we had created.  We were like prisoners to them and so were many of you, who knew something wasn't quite right or were even unconscious of the pattern in which you existed.

The structures were complex in nature with a kind of ill-intent surrounding them - a darkness.  Not evil in the biblical sense.  We do not believe in that concept, but a small-mindedness, if you will that would have my needs, for example be more important than yours.  That would see you as separate from me and worth manipulating.

In re-experiencing the unconscious phase, we would be required to climb our way out of the structures and learn about them - to become aware of their existence and head toward a journey of "wholeness," each on their own path.  One member of the helix carried the nature of the structure in their soul blueprint as a kind of overlay to their interpretation of things.  It was once described as "carrying the bag," for the others.

In awareness, it became necessary to experience the result of the structures as a series of events and happenings that lead to a new conclusion.  In concluding, the next phase of healing could be conducted.  A catharsis may happen when one thought the healing complete, and then the next "hit" or wave would show up and another round of discovery was required.

We had determined in another time and place that the years leading to the Shift of 2012, the Mayan Prophesy, so unwittingly misinterpreted, would be the most opportune to remove the structures we had created.

They are asking me to begin to tell this story go back in time and give an accounting of what I know about my journey.  Take it as fiction or as fact, it does not matter.  You will learn what you need to when you read the pages that follow.

Whatever your journey, I wish you well in the time you are done reading my writing, you may wonder if anything you have ever experienced is real...and ask yourself, if the world as you know it exists at all.  It's a dangerous business, really.



Author Note:  This is a work in progress and is therefore in draft form and subject to change and I am sure later, editing. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Reformatting the Energy Circuits


So what's it going to take to live in the new energies of the planet?  Dr. Dain (Access Consciousness) would have us run a bunch of clearing statements.  If you haven't found him yet, I suggest you sign up for his emails and maybe even his classes. 

Recently, I wrote to a friend I've known for around four years.  In the email, I referred to my observations regarding a relationship he's been in in which the possibilities were limited.  I said, "Go after what you really want."

What does this mean?  Go after what you really want....

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to observe a couple who had been together ten years and are married now.  He mentioned in a joking way that whenever he cracks jokes, she rolls her eyes and doesn't take much humor in them anymore.  In watching them, I noticed that while they were energetically compatible, they were disconnected.  

If they continue on this path, like this...the door to intimacy will eventually close and then they'll be in the divorce court wondering what happened and/or angry at each other that "he took the best years of my life" or something like that.

At least, they are energetically compatible.  Not everyone is when they marry or get together.  But I bet most people don't bother to pay attention to the energy of things at this level.  

I took a job a year ago for a certain set of reasons that in hindsight were based on the limiting thinking I held at the time in my energy field.  The results have been limited ever since and the conclusion I had to eventually draw, was that I needed to "reformat" the career development.

The Nitty Gritty of it All

It is not easy to admit to oneself that conclusions we drew at one time in the past were based on a limiting set of beliefs or understandings and that those have led us to a place - a dead end.  Maybe it is not "dead" exactly but it certainly didn't result in the desired outcome.  And yet, it is pretty clear that we were "kidding" ourselves from the beginning.

Well meaning friends, family and society may not be in a position to foster forward momentum or change.  In the case of relationships - many people around us are in negative or incompatible relationships "trying" to make them work or justifying their existence in the first place.  How are they are going to aid a person in breaking that mold and "going after what they really want" when they can't do it themselves. 

In the case of the couple who are disconnected, they may not have learned the tools to foster connection.  In fact, they may unconsciously be re-creating the concept of relationship that was given to them in the family structure of their upbringing.  

When a young couple says "well we've been together ten years so well, you know, things just aren't that funny anymore," I think to myself - they bought into a "matrix" or set of beliefs that marriages become boring and dull and you can't say connected.  

In the positively aligned relationships I know of, the couple are intimately connected and share a desire to make each other happy.  They might recognize through the noticing of signals of one sort or another, "what is going on over there, she isn't laughing at my jokes..." and maybe delving into why that might be.  They are consistently dancing in the moment with each other and delighting in the connection - cracking jokes I know she likes because then I see that radiant smile.  

In conducting their relationship this way, they are consciously aligning with a set of beliefs that say, "my partner and I can stay connected and happy and we can share an amazing intimacy and grow into better versions of ourselves in the process."

Same with career development - there are plenty of examples in life of people going after what they want in career and achieving the desired results.  I know for some people, it is easy to switch jobs due to a fantastic network, the fact their skill set is awesome and they believe they deserve it no matter what the economy looks like.

Most of us don't live in that matrix - we live in poverty consciousness, believe that the economy limits our possibilities and that our previous choices mean that we are doomed forever to a path that doesn't work for us.

Next Steps

Recognition - if you can become conscious of your situation before it explodes or you get that divorce paper in the mail - may be half the battle - but what's next?

Hearing from an outside party that it is clear you are not happy when you are around a certain person you have been dating, may be hard to hear, at first and perhaps ruffle feathers and yet it may be the first step in becoming conscious of why you are going through the motions, not asking for more from life. 

Realize, too that the reason you brought someone into your life who is willing to call you on unconscious behavior, is because you really truly desire something more.  If you didn't you wouldn't have that person there - they are simply reflecting something you know is true.

Fostering agreements early on in relationships, that allow for direct communication about what you are feeling is key to forwarding momentum when you get to a stuck place later on.  Sometimes it takes one person to "snap out of it" and be willing to say, "I'd prefer a different kind of joke" or "What can we do to reconnect to that happy joyful place."  Date nights, a vacation, simply communicating more and certainly removing outworn beliefs systems about the seven year itch, or the 10 year doldrums would be good moves.

If you entered an incompatible relationship, all for the wrong reasons based on the limiting beliefs you had when you entered it, and you recognize that you are at a "dead end." it may be time to stop "trying to make it work" and move on.  It is OK to not try every possible avenue to "fix it."  

Moving the Energy

As for the career, in recognizing that I had a set of limiting beliefs a year ago- I could see the reasons I had agreed to the circumstances at hand.  In some ways, the path had given me some breathing room to discover what I really wanted and do some healing work.  It wasn't all bad, but no point in beating a dead horse.

I had several conversations early on both about the financial arrangement and the fact I was over-qualified with mentors and astute friends and in the end, the conclusion we drew at the beginning was most certainly the result I got.   The position to be able to change the format of something while still in it requires that you entered a compatible arrangement at the beginning - then there is room to redefine and move forward.

The couple, should they choose to take a a conscious path now, have the opportunity to grow forward because they are energetically compatible and love each other on a deep level.  

In the case of the ill-fitting relationship and the ill-fitting job, another technique will have to be employed in shifting the structure.  The first step is to define a new structure - in my case, I spent the last six months releasing the limiting beliefs that had me choosing it in the first place, and then working with mentors and friends to define what it was I wanted to see in its place.

Even if you are largely unconscious of the process of redefining what you want, know that on a higher level most of us are doing this every day.  The environment itself will begin to be uncomfortable.  The relationship dynamics will keep insisting your address the incongruency.  The harder you try the less happy you will feel trying and eventually the structure will disband.  But why wait so long?

How can it get any better than this?

While it may take time and consistent application of the new form, the Universe or energy will respond to the shift and move into the new structure.  You may during this time experience the uncomfortable nature of being in two worlds - you are no longer defined by the old structure or relationship, but you may still be in it and you know you are no longer the person who would make that choice.

The well-meaning friends mentioned above may not know what to do with you and may council you to forget that new thing and be happy being comfortable like they are.  Be wary of that energy that wants to keep you stagnant. They may also try harder to please you - think of the disbanding relationship - that person may try to make some changes that appear like they are worth "trying again" wary of that too. 

Going for what you truly want may not be easy and you most definitely will find yourself questioning the sanity of trying more than once.  It is unusual to be that forward in making personal change a priority over comfort and fear-based thinking.

You may find yourself questioning if the new energy structure is really want you wanted or if you were kidding yourself.  Realize it is you at the deeper level of your being that asked to create a new structure - you already chose it, now you are reforming/reformatting to move into that space.  

Try and enjoy the process even when it stinks.  It will get better and that new relationship and job will be so amazing and fun because you were willing to step into the highest level of what you are capable of achieving and not take no for an answer.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Wagon

What kind of paradigm shift would you have if you noticed that one of the structures you were hauling around was a large covered wagon filled with people, places and things that you were dragging around?

What do I mean by this?

Well, look around.  Do you feel as if there are friendships in place where you are forever telling them how to get places?  Do you work in a situation where you are weighed down with the particulars of your job - tired all the time, not getting anywhere on the career front, dealing with the same old stories going in circles?

Yep!  You got yourself a big wagon....

Until you are willing to empty that wagon and be in your own BEING, free from hangers on, there is very little real creating that is getting done.  You are only going to go as far as those folks and situations you are dragging around in the wagon.

Think about it.  If you have a friend that means well but isn't getting things as fast as you are, or has limiting beliefs in place about what is possible and you go to that friend and explain your new thoughts and possibilities - it won't take long before the energy that they are, brings you down a peg or two and removes the possibilities you just expanded upon.

Same with the job - they won't like the change that you are and will try to take you down a peg or two or say they "don't understand you."  Well, they don't - they are right about that.

You have to be absolutely willing to stand in your own space in order to be the center of your own creating.

People may like your energy and derive great pleasure and self-understanding from being in your energy field.  But the top creators of the world, the ones that write books on creating wealth or who simply go about making multi-billion dollar enterprises of  epic proportions - don't have wagons.

Read their words or listen to their speeches - they aren't carrying around "hangers on" who love their energy field but aren't producing.  In fact, many of them have garnered reputations for being "assholes" because the people in the wagon get pissed off when they are tossed out.  What if they just had to cut the loss and move on?

Sounds harsh?  Maybe - but what might be more harsh is what it feels like the rest of your life to pull around a wagon full of people who fill up on your being but aren't willing to create their own Universe.

And for unconscious thinkers - even ones who think they are conscious but are not in some areas of their lives, they won't even know they are creating that structure of "The Wagon" with you.  It will feel awesome to them, potentially.  You might hear things like "You are so fun!"  Or "When I am around you, I feel amazing...."

But they really should feel amazing on their own....when a person interacts with you, they should bring their own brand of amazing feel goodness and so should you.  End of story.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Truth in Organizations

Not too long ago, I was on the phone with Raja & Santia speaking about living from True Self.

It gave me pause.  Everything is made of energy - even when it looks solid.  I read recently that all things are made of 99.99% space.  Wow!

Think of systems such as organizations.  They are made up of thoughts - energy - and appear solid - we each have specific functions and titles, paper we move each day, phone calls we make etc.

And yet, very few organizations consider the the sum total of their parts or even how they function in an energetic sense.  Individuals bring in all their atoms and space - beliefs, projections, old stories and artifacts and come together in an energetic synergy that has its own form of propulsion.

How is your system running itself?

When organizations fail or flounder, it may behoove them too have a person look at the "energy" of the system.  Where is the space? Where are the blocks to flow?  What are the thoughtforms and set-ups (constructs) that create the outcomes?

I see organizations living in a time-space warp.  They are linked to idealogies and thoughtforms that hamper them moving into the next phase of existence.  I hate to say it - but the next phase of existence may be as another entity or even a merged entity.  Some business owners are so attached to the outcome of the structure as it appears, they don't even see the future of the flow of energy in the system.

The group is surprised then when someone else, with a more agile idea and concept, based in a higher level of consciousness arise out of "thin air" with a similar idea and energy and then take over the "market share."

If you were to approach things from a systems energetic standpoint, however, you would have seen such a thing occurring long before it happened.  It may even have been possible to become that organization you see taking over before the energy switched spaces.

Energy is like a river - and will end up in the space of least resistance.  Unfortunately, if you are stuck in ego and pounding the pavement of the old way (even if you think it is new), you'll see someone else doing it better before too long.  Expansion can happen quickly, especially if others are open and you are not.

What about in a personal sense?  Where is your energy flow?  Where are you blocked?

Earlier today, I was watching a short promotional video created by a renowned healer.  She showed the viewer her method for shifting energy blocks.  I replicated her technique for myself - as I have an understanding of the system she was using - and felt amazing results and certain blocks were lifted.

What it felt like was energy flowing and that "bouncy" feeling returned to my step and to my whole being.  I was living from my True Self.

The problem I see most people encounter (who are their own organization by the way) is that they perceive or have been taught that system dynamics are real.  Because they perceive systems as real, they lack the space to see the possibilities for change in a given situation.

If I seek to change an organization or system, I would first be willing to "witness" the system at work.  I would have to rise up out of the story playing out before me, look at the people and situations like a play that has a theme and then re-work the theme.  Dr. Dain Heer from Access Consciousness would use a clearing statement that starts with a willingness to "uncreate and destroy" the structure.

Let's say you have a relationship dynamic with a particular person - it seems to play out no matter what you do to try and change it on the surface.  In order for the individuals in question to act in a different play, you would need to "uncreate and destroy" the system that is currently looping or playing out on the stage of life.

Most people would freak out that they would destroy the relationship or rock the boat, be afraid to lose the person in question, or worry how not having that person in their life forever and ever would impact them.  Others would be afraid how rocking the boat or "breaking up" would appear to society and friends and "feel bad" because the people in the system were "nice."

While there are no guarantees that changing a system (or uncreating and destroying a structure) will result in the same players being in the play, I can assure you that it is possible that whatever happens, the play which comes next will be at a much higher level of consciousness - no matter who the actors are.

If the actors return - even with the same faces - the play and the people in it will not be the same.  It is absolutely possible to shift how people interact with you in a dynamic system if you are first willing to uncreate the previous structure that held them in the particular roles they are inhabiting.

Kind of like if you ran a playhouse with a group of actors and mid-season you scrapped the play they were working on, assigned them new roles and said, "I'd prefer to work on this new play now."

What would it be like to live from that level of possibility in your life?  What would it be like to have the willingness to uncreate and destroy outworn structures and truths and live from a place of fluid, dynamic energy that can create whole new Universes?

I can assure is possible and it is amazing!